Most.

I am like the most pathetic person I know. 

I indulge in self-pity more than ever. 

Sitting here on my bed on a Saturday night, eating a salad, 

watching Batman Begins and The Dark Knight 

as attunement to The Dark Knight Rises. 

I know, I am negligent as concerns proper movie enjoyment.

 Although I got tickets to a small music festival in town, I am too pitiful. Normally I enjoy being on my own, but today.. ah. 

Noone to call. Noone to write to. 

I gotta realize that I am on my own indeed. 

And I am not in the condition to actively do something about it.

I tried. But I cannot. 

There are boundaries. Like emotionally.

People cannot discern what the other one really feels.

It is not always as it seems.


Did I mention that I do not care about anything anymore?
All the worries and anxieties and uproars and deep emotions are gone. 
I DO NOT CARE.
I do not care whether my plans work out, whether I feel good, 
whether anyone cares.
However, I gotta admit, I do not want to be alone at the moment, 
and as contradictory as it sounds I am still delighted 
to have the apartment to myself tonight.